"Tuesday's gone with the wind"

Sometimes I wonder if I'm depressed. I don't know really what depression looks like but when I think about it I can't say that I know what happiness looks like either. Most of the time I feel like I'm just muddling through getting nowhere and doing nothing. I sit pondering and realize that I have nothing to do or anywhere to go. So I end up sitting on a couch, remote in hand channel surfing until I realize that more than an hour has gone by. I find myself in some sort of emotional and psychological grey wasteland with only seeming glimpses of black or white. Today I realized that while many lament moments of personal weakness I strive for moments of personal strength. They seem to be all too few and far between.

So today I had another great moment, I layed in bed for an hour in order to avoid going to a rugby practice. I know that in a previous post I talked about how much I enjoyed getting back out there and at the time I did. But it didn't take me long to remember why I had stayed away so long in the first place; the people, I can't stand them. Except for about two or three of them I can't stand to be around the rest; I want nothing to do with them. So now I have to figure out if I'm gonna drop $210 to join the team for the summer season or not. I didn't play last year because two years ago when I did play I had a horrible time. I'm in much the same place now.

I like the game of rugby and I do need to be more physically active but I find it extremely hard to bring myself do it with these people. I have no idea what I'm gonna do.

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On a sad note I'd like to mention the passing of acclaimed author Stanislaw Lem, whom I wrote about in a previous post. He passed away at the age of 84 in Krakow, Poland. His is a voice that will be missed.

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An update concerning Abdul Rahman who was charged with apostacy in Afganistan and was to be executed. It has been reported that he was released from custody on Tuesday and will be seeking asylum in another country.

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A further update concerning Abdul Rahman. After his release from prison, clerics in Afganistan argued with their government to try and have Abdul kept within the country where it is possible that he would have been subject to violence by the population. It was reported on Wednesday by Italian officials that Abdul had been granted asylum in Italy and is being kept in a safe location within the country.