I tend to get tied up in the notions of alpha versus beta male crap that flies around our society in general and athletics in particular. I would tend to say that I am most likely a typical beta male and with such a position comes a good amount of hatred towards those alpha males out there. Since beginning to play rugby I have met my share of alpha males; by and large they have tended to reinforce certain notions I have of them. Last year after after having played two seasons with one particular individual I felt the need to tell him the truth about what I thought of him. I'm sure the alcohol that I had consumed in copious amounts that night had something to do with it but I couldn't help my self and in the end was grateful that he didn't take a swing at me.
After a summer of thinking about what I had done and what I could remember saying I found myself sitting next to said individual for two hours on the bus trip back from a game. Again I felt compelled to be honest with him. I apologized for some of what I had said to him, especially the part about me calling him an asshole and for the fact that I had judged him which was wrong of me. He suprised me by saying that I had nothing to apolgize for and that he had appreciated my comments. I was shocked to say the least. Of course now I don't expect that we will be friends or anything, we are different people and don't make a point of socializing together. But in the end I think both conversations were more about me than him and I'm glad looking back on them that I stood up and said something. Of course he did suprise me which was nice too.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Thursday, September 22, 2005
The fruits of discussion
At work this evening a coworker of mine and myself began discussing a particular teenage resident who seemed to be less than enthusiastic about being at the shelter. This discussion quickly evolved into a discussion concerning the pressure that teenagers today are under by society. My coworker stated that she wouldn't be a teenager today for anything, arguing that the societal pressures that today's teenagers experience make things much too hard for them.
I think it's unfortunate that many in our society look at teenagers as a collective whole rather than as a diverse group of individuals. All too often the few bad apples that we read about in the papers or see on the streets become the vilified example for a whole generation. It's not uncommon for me to hear that all teenagers are punks or lazy or criminals. Even in my experience with working with homeless teenagers (perhaps the most desperate of the group and as such perhaps the most prone to acting out in a negative manner) it is the definite minority that even come close to meeting this negative stereotype.
I mention all this because my coworker was arguing that society had failed this generation and as such it was society's responsibility to fix the problem. I personally don't think that teenagers today face unsurmountable pressures nor do I believe that their situation is all that different than mine more than a decade ago. Just like them I faced peer pressure to fit in by doing drugs, drinking, having sex, rebelling, committing a crime, etc. What I think has changed since I was a teenager or a preteen was the time frame that was allowed for me to hold on to my innocence. In previous posts I have discussed the over sexualization of 'tweeners' (10 - 12 year olds) and the pressure placed upon them to act in a sexualy mature fashion. This is but one aspect of what I would say is society not allowing children to be children. What I find equally damaging is the fact that while we deny kids their childhood we also deny them maturity. Teenagers today seem to be in some quasi state of immature adulthood. They are pressured to dress like adults (what I have heard described as prosti-tots - ASIDE: a Simpson's episode I really liked was one where Lisa goes shopping with a group of school girls, she goes into a clothing store and a clerk shows her their 'your hooker' line of clothes, Lisa is repulsed by the notion and states "I'm only 8 years old!" the clerks response "Yes, and you look it too," as if this was a bad thing), to socialize like adults (sex, drugs, alcohol, partying, etc.) and are given power (purchasing power through allowances, spineless parents and part time jobs - ASIDE: this of course if fed by our culture's seemingly dominant materialism - why do 15 year olds need to work? why do 15 year olds need $200 pairs of running shoes? - teenagers spend billions each year on essentially nothing all because they are told to) but in seemingly direct contrast are not given opportunities to mature at the same rate. We now live in a culture that works its ass off to protect kids and teens from the harshness of adult reality all the while projecting onto them the notion that they are in reality 'young adults'.
Teens throughout history have faces pressures and problems. It would appear that today's generation of teens are a problem that needs to be fixed by society, according to my coworker. She argued that it was society that failed them and therefore it was society's responsibility to solve it. To me this was somewhat erroneous if not dangerous. What is society? In essence society is me and you; it is people. When we say society needs to fix a problem all too often it is meant that the state needs to fix the problem. This is a slippery slope because the powers and tools that the state would need to fix the problems we place at its feet would, in my opinion, end in a totalitarian society where the state is all powerful and we have no rights. Also I think that when we say 'society' needs to fix a problem it is because we are unwilling to acknowledge our own responsibility in allowing 'society' (by which I mean you and I) to fail segments of our population.
I remember a few years ago listening to a Christian radio program where a man was relating a personal experience when he was angry with God. He told a story about how a young girl in his church had been molested and of his anger at God for not protecting her. He talked of driving around his hometown until he found himself on a hill over looking the city and raging at God, asking Him why couldn't He stop it? How could fail this little girl? How come you didn't do something? It was at this time that he said he heard a voice in his head that said 'but that is why your there'. God wasn't shirking responsibility but rather pointing out that as a child of God, the man in question was God's representative on earth and therefore God would act through him rather than perform a miracle.
In relating this story to a couple of friends of mine I was reminded of Jesus. As a man Jesus was constantly stepping into the breach and acting to bridge it. He gave solace and counsel, hope and encouragement, He led by example and called for people to follow His lead. I am now reminded of a well known passage:
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of min, you did for me."
Matthew 25: 35-40 NIV
In calling on 'society' to solve our problems we only serve to perpetuate our problems for what is society except each one of us. If we don't act who will? If we see a problem and don't act to correct it who will? I'm not awaiting a miracle to solve all of our societal problems but rather facing the reality that nothing in our society will improve unless we as individuals and groups work together to solve them. Oscar Wylde once said that "a map without a utopia, is not worth looking at." What does this mean? Utopia is a conceptualization of a perfect society and as such serves as a point of reference for our present reality. It provides us with the ability to judge our present and make corrections. The notion of utopia serves to guide us in our actions towards the future while helping us to define what is Right. Whether our views are religious or secular we all have a vision of a more perfect society which should propel us towards action in seeing it come about. For me as a Christian it means that I should do those things quoted in the above passage. For if each of us took the time to help the sick, the poor, the hungry it wouldn't be long before we would notice a change in our society. A change for the better, I think.
I think it's unfortunate that many in our society look at teenagers as a collective whole rather than as a diverse group of individuals. All too often the few bad apples that we read about in the papers or see on the streets become the vilified example for a whole generation. It's not uncommon for me to hear that all teenagers are punks or lazy or criminals. Even in my experience with working with homeless teenagers (perhaps the most desperate of the group and as such perhaps the most prone to acting out in a negative manner) it is the definite minority that even come close to meeting this negative stereotype.
I mention all this because my coworker was arguing that society had failed this generation and as such it was society's responsibility to fix the problem. I personally don't think that teenagers today face unsurmountable pressures nor do I believe that their situation is all that different than mine more than a decade ago. Just like them I faced peer pressure to fit in by doing drugs, drinking, having sex, rebelling, committing a crime, etc. What I think has changed since I was a teenager or a preteen was the time frame that was allowed for me to hold on to my innocence. In previous posts I have discussed the over sexualization of 'tweeners' (10 - 12 year olds) and the pressure placed upon them to act in a sexualy mature fashion. This is but one aspect of what I would say is society not allowing children to be children. What I find equally damaging is the fact that while we deny kids their childhood we also deny them maturity. Teenagers today seem to be in some quasi state of immature adulthood. They are pressured to dress like adults (what I have heard described as prosti-tots - ASIDE: a Simpson's episode I really liked was one where Lisa goes shopping with a group of school girls, she goes into a clothing store and a clerk shows her their 'your hooker' line of clothes, Lisa is repulsed by the notion and states "I'm only 8 years old!" the clerks response "Yes, and you look it too," as if this was a bad thing), to socialize like adults (sex, drugs, alcohol, partying, etc.) and are given power (purchasing power through allowances, spineless parents and part time jobs - ASIDE: this of course if fed by our culture's seemingly dominant materialism - why do 15 year olds need to work? why do 15 year olds need $200 pairs of running shoes? - teenagers spend billions each year on essentially nothing all because they are told to) but in seemingly direct contrast are not given opportunities to mature at the same rate. We now live in a culture that works its ass off to protect kids and teens from the harshness of adult reality all the while projecting onto them the notion that they are in reality 'young adults'.
Teens throughout history have faces pressures and problems. It would appear that today's generation of teens are a problem that needs to be fixed by society, according to my coworker. She argued that it was society that failed them and therefore it was society's responsibility to solve it. To me this was somewhat erroneous if not dangerous. What is society? In essence society is me and you; it is people. When we say society needs to fix a problem all too often it is meant that the state needs to fix the problem. This is a slippery slope because the powers and tools that the state would need to fix the problems we place at its feet would, in my opinion, end in a totalitarian society where the state is all powerful and we have no rights. Also I think that when we say 'society' needs to fix a problem it is because we are unwilling to acknowledge our own responsibility in allowing 'society' (by which I mean you and I) to fail segments of our population.
I remember a few years ago listening to a Christian radio program where a man was relating a personal experience when he was angry with God. He told a story about how a young girl in his church had been molested and of his anger at God for not protecting her. He talked of driving around his hometown until he found himself on a hill over looking the city and raging at God, asking Him why couldn't He stop it? How could fail this little girl? How come you didn't do something? It was at this time that he said he heard a voice in his head that said 'but that is why your there'. God wasn't shirking responsibility but rather pointing out that as a child of God, the man in question was God's representative on earth and therefore God would act through him rather than perform a miracle.
In relating this story to a couple of friends of mine I was reminded of Jesus. As a man Jesus was constantly stepping into the breach and acting to bridge it. He gave solace and counsel, hope and encouragement, He led by example and called for people to follow His lead. I am now reminded of a well known passage:
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of min, you did for me."
Matthew 25: 35-40 NIV
In calling on 'society' to solve our problems we only serve to perpetuate our problems for what is society except each one of us. If we don't act who will? If we see a problem and don't act to correct it who will? I'm not awaiting a miracle to solve all of our societal problems but rather facing the reality that nothing in our society will improve unless we as individuals and groups work together to solve them. Oscar Wylde once said that "a map without a utopia, is not worth looking at." What does this mean? Utopia is a conceptualization of a perfect society and as such serves as a point of reference for our present reality. It provides us with the ability to judge our present and make corrections. The notion of utopia serves to guide us in our actions towards the future while helping us to define what is Right. Whether our views are religious or secular we all have a vision of a more perfect society which should propel us towards action in seeing it come about. For me as a Christian it means that I should do those things quoted in the above passage. For if each of us took the time to help the sick, the poor, the hungry it wouldn't be long before we would notice a change in our society. A change for the better, I think.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Just a random update
So I went on a couple of dates with a woman I met at work. She was older than me which was a first and also had three kids. I was told that I should be wary of this; I wasn't. We had talked several times before I asked her out. The first date was a disaster as I slept through it but she was understanding and gave me a second chance. Our 'second' date went much better. We had dinner and went for a short walk followed by coffee and desert. The conversation was good and we had a few things in common which was nice. But there was no spark. The next date we went bowling which was fine. I kept feeling as though I had to continue to drive the conversation which I hate. Am I so uninteresting that people don't want to know anything about me? After bowling we went for an ice cream before she offered to drive me home as I had walked. As we sat in her car I got the feeling that she wanted me to kiss her; I didn't. I called her up last week and invited her out for dinner on Saturday. I told her that I would be in Toronto for the afternoon but should be back by dinner time. She agreed. I however did not get home till 9pm. I called and apologized to her answering machine. She hasn't called me back and I'm relieved. I tend to over think things and I was making an effort to not do that this time. However in the end I think that I kept pursuing things after that first date more out of a desire to do something with someone rather than an actual romantic interest in her. I think she is a nice person and could be a good friend but even that seems somewhat tainted now.
I played rugby for two seasons at my university. I never played for the first side but really gained an appreciation for the game. So this year I decided to become the team's manager as I am inelligable to play due to the fact that I am only taking one credit and you need to be taking three to play. Much of what I'm doing is what I did last year as a member of the club's executive. I handle sponsors, organize events and make sure that the team has the information that they need for each of these. I put a lot of work into these things and there are a couple of people who recognize this which is nice but there are a couple of guys on the team I would dearly love to kick the shit out of. They give me no respect, looking down their nose at me simply because they are first team players and I'm not. It's unfortunate but I have done more for this team then they ever will but they don't seem to notice and this bothers me. I guess it's my vanity and own insecurities that I feel the need to be universally appreciated. Of course their open derision is also hard to take. I almost hate the fact that they are going to benefit from my efforts. Now I'm trying to organize a Wales tour for the team to happen in 2007 and it will be these bastards that go not I because they have mommy and daddy paying their way and I have to bust my ass working up to six days a week to make ends meet and still pay for school. So they'll go and have the time of their lives while I'll have to sit and listen to all the stories once they get back. I feel like torching their cars.
I'm back to thinking about going over to Korea for a year of two once I'm done school three years from now. I've lived from pay cheque to pay cheque for so long that I've actually gotten used to the stress involved in having no money. I'll also have no money for the next three years as every extra dollar I have will have to go towards paying my student loans while saving up enough to pay for teacher's college. I had a friend go over a couple of years ago and was able to bank $20,000 over one year. I have three friends over there right now who simply love it. One doesn't want to come back. The simple notion that in two years I could be completely and utterly debt free AND have saved upwards of $10, 000 is too good to pass up I think. Besides the notion that one can get paid to travel and experience foreign cultures is simply awesome. In the beginning of my second year of university I began to plan on spending my third year abroad at a school in Wales. It would have been through a program at the school which would have meant that I would be able to spend a year in Wales for the same price as going to school here for a year. Obviously I didn't go. Two months before the application deadline my then wife whom I was seperated from asked to try and work things out so I felt that I owed it to her and our marriage to try. Six weeks after the deadline passed she told me that things weren't working out. I found out later that she hadn't stopped seeing the guy she left me for in the first place. Looking back I can't help but think that while I may have done the right thing I missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime because of her. This is something I'm not too sure I want to do again. I work with a guy who is thinking of going overseas for a year or three and it's all complicated by the fact that he has a girlfriend. Relationships just seem to fuck things up way too much.
I played rugby for two seasons at my university. I never played for the first side but really gained an appreciation for the game. So this year I decided to become the team's manager as I am inelligable to play due to the fact that I am only taking one credit and you need to be taking three to play. Much of what I'm doing is what I did last year as a member of the club's executive. I handle sponsors, organize events and make sure that the team has the information that they need for each of these. I put a lot of work into these things and there are a couple of people who recognize this which is nice but there are a couple of guys on the team I would dearly love to kick the shit out of. They give me no respect, looking down their nose at me simply because they are first team players and I'm not. It's unfortunate but I have done more for this team then they ever will but they don't seem to notice and this bothers me. I guess it's my vanity and own insecurities that I feel the need to be universally appreciated. Of course their open derision is also hard to take. I almost hate the fact that they are going to benefit from my efforts. Now I'm trying to organize a Wales tour for the team to happen in 2007 and it will be these bastards that go not I because they have mommy and daddy paying their way and I have to bust my ass working up to six days a week to make ends meet and still pay for school. So they'll go and have the time of their lives while I'll have to sit and listen to all the stories once they get back. I feel like torching their cars.
I'm back to thinking about going over to Korea for a year of two once I'm done school three years from now. I've lived from pay cheque to pay cheque for so long that I've actually gotten used to the stress involved in having no money. I'll also have no money for the next three years as every extra dollar I have will have to go towards paying my student loans while saving up enough to pay for teacher's college. I had a friend go over a couple of years ago and was able to bank $20,000 over one year. I have three friends over there right now who simply love it. One doesn't want to come back. The simple notion that in two years I could be completely and utterly debt free AND have saved upwards of $10, 000 is too good to pass up I think. Besides the notion that one can get paid to travel and experience foreign cultures is simply awesome. In the beginning of my second year of university I began to plan on spending my third year abroad at a school in Wales. It would have been through a program at the school which would have meant that I would be able to spend a year in Wales for the same price as going to school here for a year. Obviously I didn't go. Two months before the application deadline my then wife whom I was seperated from asked to try and work things out so I felt that I owed it to her and our marriage to try. Six weeks after the deadline passed she told me that things weren't working out. I found out later that she hadn't stopped seeing the guy she left me for in the first place. Looking back I can't help but think that while I may have done the right thing I missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime because of her. This is something I'm not too sure I want to do again. I work with a guy who is thinking of going overseas for a year or three and it's all complicated by the fact that he has a girlfriend. Relationships just seem to fuck things up way too much.
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