Well the hermitage is over (now just to clarify that's her-mit-age not her-mi-tage - apparently the latter is some french provincial wine). I ended my many months of isolation on Monday by reentering the land of the living and attending a rugby fitness practice. While many would mock me for such a notion I was physically shaking minutes prior to leaving for practice. I was a tad nervous to say the least. As anyone who knows me can attest I'm not at all fit, I'm not strong nor am I gifted with endurance, heck I'm not even really any good at rugby. But I needed to get out.
Sitting in a basement by ones self isn't all its cracked up to be. Sure I'm a superstar at Tiger Woods 2005 and I can kick ass at Star Wars Battlefront 1 & 2 but people need a bit more action than the fifteen foot walk between the fridge and the couch.
I'm not a very complex individual. I have little self esteem and am horribly self critically. I'm cynical, sarcastic and judgemental. I'm told I'm my harshest critic. I tend to project the negative thoughts in my head into the minds and attitudes of those around me and as such I counter with a preemptive strike of withdrawal and solitude. This of course helps to feed the negative self image and becomes a negative feedback loop (I learned about those in college - electronics).
So it wasn't the biggest thing in the world but it was no small thing for me to step out on Monday in front of a bunch of people and try to run, to do pushups, to try and throw a rugby ball. Hence the physical shakes I was experiencing before hand. I feared their reaction. I pictured in my head people I liked and respected laughing at me. It didn't happen.
In actuality I was pleased with my relative performance. I wasn't able to do all of the exercises but when it was all over I did manage to finish the twelve minute run at the end of practice. I didn't hear anyone laughing nor did I see anyone pointing. It was good. Good enough in fact to prompt me to play touch-rugby on Tuesday with some guys I know (I hesitate to say friends as when one removes themselves from a relationship for several months it doesn't seem right). Again it went well. I made mistakes, some stupid ones at that, but I played and had fun.
I don't know what it is but I can't not like rugby.
Sitting in a basement by ones self isn't all its cracked up to be. Sure I'm a superstar at Tiger Woods 2005 and I can kick ass at Star Wars Battlefront 1 & 2 but people need a bit more action than the fifteen foot walk between the fridge and the couch.
I'm not a very complex individual. I have little self esteem and am horribly self critically. I'm cynical, sarcastic and judgemental. I'm told I'm my harshest critic. I tend to project the negative thoughts in my head into the minds and attitudes of those around me and as such I counter with a preemptive strike of withdrawal and solitude. This of course helps to feed the negative self image and becomes a negative feedback loop (I learned about those in college - electronics).
So it wasn't the biggest thing in the world but it was no small thing for me to step out on Monday in front of a bunch of people and try to run, to do pushups, to try and throw a rugby ball. Hence the physical shakes I was experiencing before hand. I feared their reaction. I pictured in my head people I liked and respected laughing at me. It didn't happen.
In actuality I was pleased with my relative performance. I wasn't able to do all of the exercises but when it was all over I did manage to finish the twelve minute run at the end of practice. I didn't hear anyone laughing nor did I see anyone pointing. It was good. Good enough in fact to prompt me to play touch-rugby on Tuesday with some guys I know (I hesitate to say friends as when one removes themselves from a relationship for several months it doesn't seem right). Again it went well. I made mistakes, some stupid ones at that, but I played and had fun.
I don't know what it is but I can't not like rugby.
Matt King being tackled - RWC 2003
1 comment:
The new colour scheme is great - orange is ALWAYS the way to go! Go orange!
Oh yeah, the post was dark and refective, I really enjoyed it.
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