T'is the season for family

This idea is both a blessing and a curse it seems. I'm sure that I am not alone in thinking this but let me share my tale of woe.

To be honest my family isn't necessarily the closest one. Over the past several years we're getting better but in a limited sense. My dad's sister rarely talks to us. My mom's twin brother may as well not exist for the amount of time we see him. My mom's older brother is around twice a year making a show of family but has been known to ignore us on the street. As such my cousins from these three, seven in total (not counting their spouses and offspring) which were once close now never see one another.

Every year my mom's side of the family holds a Christmas party. The idea is that at least once a year the family can come back together from our busy and distanced lives, reconnect and enjoy each other once more. In reality its a horrible mess. Last Saturday was our annual Christmas party which my mother insists I attend for her sake and as such I do. It goes something like this.

The matriarchs (my mom and two aunts) work away in the kitchen preparing dinner receiving sporadic help from some of the daughters. I guess we're old fashioned that way. My uncle's (my mom's older brother) family sits in one area of the hall all cloistered together as they are all year long. My uncle and aunt did not say one word to me all night, neither did their two children that were in attendance. Since my divorce I'm something of an unacknowledged pariah or so it seems. My cousin's husbands stay close to the wives or their father in law which is beginning to creep me out a little. They both seem to be morphing into my a little too much.

My other uncle (my mom's twin brother) doesn't bother to make an appearance which is nothing new. My aunt (mom's sister) insists on inviting the woman who broke my cousin's heart by cheating on him with his best friend and having a child together. As the rest of the family won't talk to this woman or now husband my aunt and her husband flock to them so that they feel comfortable at the event. Of course it simply pisses everyone else off and no one will talk to them because no one else wants them there. Its one thing about my aunt I just don't understand.

So that leaves my family being ignored by my one uncle and in turn ignoring my one aunt because we're ignoring the pariah that continues to show up. So for several hours everyone huddles in their little groups playing cards with each other and eating food. I for one spend my time trying to remember all my cousins names which I promptly forget a day later. I guess its a subconsious thing which provides me with something to do the following year.

After a while people begin to leave, no goodbye's are exchanged except amongst their primary families. Then people make their way to the various cars for their trip home, which if it is anything like mine, is spent wondering aloud why we continue to partake in such torture.

It's not that I like this state of affairs, don't get me wrong. In actuality one of the things that I really admired about my ex-wifes family (a large italian one) was that family mattered and when they were together their private differences were suspended. Not so with us. Its to the point now that I don't bother to even try and talk with my aunts, uncles or cousins just as they make no attempt to talk with me. I tried for a number of years to change this but to no avail. I would try and talk with them but they just didn't seem interested in talking with me. Once my wife and I split there was even less conversation.

It's unfortunate but I've resigned myself to the depressing fact that when it comes to my family, family doesn't matter. Which makes this Christmas party thing all the more unbearable. We are constantly told (and I do believe) that Christmas is a time for family. So you make the effort and end up sitting in silence. I personally think it should just end but all those with little kiddies running around think this is just great. Then why won't they talk to one another? Nope its going to continue indeffinetly. In fact I was told that next year we of the middle generation are going to plan and host the event next year which means that I just have to be there. Yeah for me.

Of course I got even better news on Saturday; they want to expand the family parties to two per year. Now they want to add a summer event.

I'm already working on my excuse not to be there.

I know that sounds bad and makes me a little sad but it keeps me sane because it's exrutiating sitting in a room for hours with people you once got along with so well and are now ignored by.

A Christmas state of mind

I was mildly suprised recently when CBC Newsworld here in Canada ran a piece concerning a perceived 'war on Christmas'. The CBC is known for being fairly leftist in its editorial stance and usually ignores such stories, however not this time. I'm not really all that sure why. The CBC went out into the streets asking people on the street what they thought concerning Christmas and what it should be called.

So on Saturday night I was having a few beers with a friend and asked him what he thought about it all. He accused me of trying to egg him on, but in reality I find that he is a fairly straight forward secular person and as such I am able to gain a perspective on the world other than my own. He said that the state shouldn't be in the business of promoting Christmas and that if the state (city, town, etc.) was going to be involved in recognizing the holidays that it should do so in as inclusive a manner as possible.

I began to think about it as I had not really formed an opinion on the matter. I saw it as a case of tradition and really didn't see the harm in a city putting up a Christmas tree as opposed to a holiday tree but I hadn't really thought about it. When people were asked on the street they would say such things as "we don't ask Muslim's to change the name of Ramadan" or "we wouldn't call the Menorah a candle stick" and "so why should we be forced to change the name of Christmas?" My friend mentioned paranoia and conspiracy and I think perhaps he is somewhat right.

You see the difference is that when Christmas season came around, the town I live in put up Christmas decorations along the main street. I'm sure it happens in communities across North America. Now while none of the decorations are overtly religious in nature, it is clear that Christmas is being recognized. The city didn't put decorations to recognize Ramadan nor Chanukah (now while Chanukah is celebrated during the same time as Christmas it is rather easy to discern the difference in recognizing the two holidays).

Now being a Christian I don't necessarily have a problem with people recognizing Christmas. But I obviously have no clue as to how non-Christians feel about it. I'm sure some are rather indifferent to the whole thing but I'm also sure that some are not. How would I feel if the town I lived in started putting up decorations for Ramadan (for instance) or Festivus? We are a multi-cultural society and as such we need to respect the cultures of those around us. We too should have our (by our I mean the predominantly WASP society in which we live) culture respected as well. But what does that really have to do with Christmas?

Christmas is a religious holiday. Yes it has been celebrated in our culture in the past and rather openly. However in doing so Christmas has been subverted. There is more talk about economics, gifts, parties, vacations and the like during Christmas than actual discourse on the person of Christ and his place in the world. I feel somewhat ashamed that a secular entity such as Adbusters calls for people not feeding the materialist machine that is corporate North America during Christmas. When people are feeling sentimental they say that Christmas is about family, honesty, love and community. What does that have to do with me buying you a digital camera? Many perhaps buy gifts for their loved ones as a sign of their feelings but wouldn't be better if we simply told those we love that we love them?

So in the end I don't mind if the city or country takes Christ out of Christmas because in all reality Jesus has little to do with how we celebrate the season. Christmas is now more a cultural holiday rather than a religious one in our society. The important thing to remember is that the city isn't telling me I can't celebrate Christmas. In all honesty they are simply being truthful by removing Christ from Christmas in our societal celebrations.

So happy holidays, merry Christmas, happy Chanukah, merry Festivus and a belated happy Ramadan. Celebrate as you will, because I know that I will be.

Music part 3

I was sitting in a coffee shop on Monday evening with a friend. We were working on our respective school assignments when a sappy pop song from the early 80's came on. I was immediately reminded of being about 8 years old and doing the dinner dishes with my sister and mom. I mentioned this to my friend who shared a memory that a certain song evokes in him. I have a number of them:

Happy Trails by Van Halen automatically reminds me of my scouting trip to Conneticut when I was 12.

Don't Go Away Mad (just go away) by Motley Crue evokes images from the book The Wishsong of Shannara by Terry Brooks.

Time by Pink Floyd reminds me of a long lost friend.

Ah music ... well here a couple more songs for you.

The Last Resort
The Eagles
Album: Hotel California
Year: 1976

She came from Providence,
the one in Rhode Island
Where the old world shadows hang
heavy in the air
She packed her hopes and dreams
like a refugee
Just as her father came across the sea
She heard about a place people were simlin'
They spoke about the red man's way,
and how they loved the land
And they came from everywhere
to the Great Divide
Seeking a place to standor a place to hide
Down in the crowded bars,
out for a good time,
Can't wait to tell you all,
what it's like up there
And they called it paradise
I don't know why
Somebody laid the mountains low
while the town got high
Then the chilly winds blew down
Across the desert
through the canyons of the coast, to
the Malibu
Where the pretty people play,
hungry for powerto light their neon way
and give them things to do
Some rich men came and raped the land,
Nobody caught 'em
Put up a bunch of ugly boxes, and Jesus,
people bought 'em
And they called it paradise
The place to be
They watched the hazy sun, sinking in the sea
You can leave it all behind
and sail to Lahaina
just like the missionaries did, so many years ago
They even brought a neon sign:"Jesus is coming"
Brought the white man's burden down
Brought the white man's reign
Who will provide the grand design?
What is yours and what is mine?
'Cause there is no more new frontier
We have got to make it here
We satifsy our endless needs and
justify our bloody deeds,
in the name of destiny and the name
of God
And you can see them there,
On Sunday morning
They call it paradise
I don't know why
You call someplace paradise,
kiss it goodbye

Buffalo Soldier
Bob Marley
Album: Confrontation
Year: 1983

Buffalo soldier, dreadlock rasta:
There was a buffalo soldier in the heart of america,
Stolen from africa, brought to america,
Fighting on arrival, fighting for survival.

I mean it, when I analyze the stench -
To me it makes a lot of sense:
How the dreadlock rasta was the buffalo soldier,
And he was taken from africa, brought to america,
Fighting on arrival, fighting for survival.

Said he was a buffalo soldier, dreadlock rasta -
Buffalo soldier in the heart of america.

If you know your history,
Then you would know where you coming from,
Then you wouldn't have to ask me,
Who the 'eck do I think I am.

I'm just a buffalo soldier in the heart of america,
Stolen from africa, brought to america,
Said he was fighting on arrival, fighting for survival;
Said he was a buffalo soldier win the war for america.

Dreadie, woy yoy yoy, woy yoy-yoy yoy,
Woy yoy yoy yoy, yoy yoy-yoy yoy!
Woy yoy yoy, woy yoy-yoy yoy,
Woy yoy yoy yoy, yoy yoy-yoy yoy!
Buffalo soldier troddin' through the land, wo-ho-ooh!
Said he wanna ran, then you wanna hand,
Troddin' through the land, yea-hea, yea-ea.

Said he was a buffalo soldier win the war for america;
Buffalo soldier, dreadlock rasta,
Fighting on arrival, fighting for survival;
Driven from the mainland to the heart of the caribbean.

Singing, woy yoy yoy, woy yoy-yoy yoy,
Woy yoy yoy yoy, yoy yoy-yoy yoy!
Woy yoy yoy, woy yoy-yoy yoy,
Woy yoy yoy yoy, yoy yoy-yoy yoy!

Troddin' through san juan in the arms of america;
Troddin' through jamaica, a buffalo soldier# -
Fighting on arrival, fighting for survival:
Buffalo soldier, dreadlock rasta.

Woy yoy yoy, woy yoy-yoy yoy,
Woy yoy yoy yoy, yoy yoy-yoy yoy!
Woy yoy yoy, woy yoy-yoy yoy,
Woy yoy yoy yoy, yoy yoy-yoy yoy!

Amazing Grace
John Newton
Year: 1748


Amazing grace! (how sweet the sound)
That sav'd a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev'd;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believ'd!

Thro' many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promis'd good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who call'd me here below,
Will be forever mine.