T'is the season for family

This idea is both a blessing and a curse it seems. I'm sure that I am not alone in thinking this but let me share my tale of woe.

To be honest my family isn't necessarily the closest one. Over the past several years we're getting better but in a limited sense. My dad's sister rarely talks to us. My mom's twin brother may as well not exist for the amount of time we see him. My mom's older brother is around twice a year making a show of family but has been known to ignore us on the street. As such my cousins from these three, seven in total (not counting their spouses and offspring) which were once close now never see one another.

Every year my mom's side of the family holds a Christmas party. The idea is that at least once a year the family can come back together from our busy and distanced lives, reconnect and enjoy each other once more. In reality its a horrible mess. Last Saturday was our annual Christmas party which my mother insists I attend for her sake and as such I do. It goes something like this.

The matriarchs (my mom and two aunts) work away in the kitchen preparing dinner receiving sporadic help from some of the daughters. I guess we're old fashioned that way. My uncle's (my mom's older brother) family sits in one area of the hall all cloistered together as they are all year long. My uncle and aunt did not say one word to me all night, neither did their two children that were in attendance. Since my divorce I'm something of an unacknowledged pariah or so it seems. My cousin's husbands stay close to the wives or their father in law which is beginning to creep me out a little. They both seem to be morphing into my a little too much.

My other uncle (my mom's twin brother) doesn't bother to make an appearance which is nothing new. My aunt (mom's sister) insists on inviting the woman who broke my cousin's heart by cheating on him with his best friend and having a child together. As the rest of the family won't talk to this woman or now husband my aunt and her husband flock to them so that they feel comfortable at the event. Of course it simply pisses everyone else off and no one will talk to them because no one else wants them there. Its one thing about my aunt I just don't understand.

So that leaves my family being ignored by my one uncle and in turn ignoring my one aunt because we're ignoring the pariah that continues to show up. So for several hours everyone huddles in their little groups playing cards with each other and eating food. I for one spend my time trying to remember all my cousins names which I promptly forget a day later. I guess its a subconsious thing which provides me with something to do the following year.

After a while people begin to leave, no goodbye's are exchanged except amongst their primary families. Then people make their way to the various cars for their trip home, which if it is anything like mine, is spent wondering aloud why we continue to partake in such torture.

It's not that I like this state of affairs, don't get me wrong. In actuality one of the things that I really admired about my ex-wifes family (a large italian one) was that family mattered and when they were together their private differences were suspended. Not so with us. Its to the point now that I don't bother to even try and talk with my aunts, uncles or cousins just as they make no attempt to talk with me. I tried for a number of years to change this but to no avail. I would try and talk with them but they just didn't seem interested in talking with me. Once my wife and I split there was even less conversation.

It's unfortunate but I've resigned myself to the depressing fact that when it comes to my family, family doesn't matter. Which makes this Christmas party thing all the more unbearable. We are constantly told (and I do believe) that Christmas is a time for family. So you make the effort and end up sitting in silence. I personally think it should just end but all those with little kiddies running around think this is just great. Then why won't they talk to one another? Nope its going to continue indeffinetly. In fact I was told that next year we of the middle generation are going to plan and host the event next year which means that I just have to be there. Yeah for me.

Of course I got even better news on Saturday; they want to expand the family parties to two per year. Now they want to add a summer event.

I'm already working on my excuse not to be there.

I know that sounds bad and makes me a little sad but it keeps me sane because it's exrutiating sitting in a room for hours with people you once got along with so well and are now ignored by.