Just a random update

So I went on a couple of dates with a woman I met at work. She was older than me which was a first and also had three kids. I was told that I should be wary of this; I wasn't. We had talked several times before I asked her out. The first date was a disaster as I slept through it but she was understanding and gave me a second chance. Our 'second' date went much better. We had dinner and went for a short walk followed by coffee and desert. The conversation was good and we had a few things in common which was nice. But there was no spark. The next date we went bowling which was fine. I kept feeling as though I had to continue to drive the conversation which I hate. Am I so uninteresting that people don't want to know anything about me? After bowling we went for an ice cream before she offered to drive me home as I had walked. As we sat in her car I got the feeling that she wanted me to kiss her; I didn't. I called her up last week and invited her out for dinner on Saturday. I told her that I would be in Toronto for the afternoon but should be back by dinner time. She agreed. I however did not get home till 9pm. I called and apologized to her answering machine. She hasn't called me back and I'm relieved. I tend to over think things and I was making an effort to not do that this time. However in the end I think that I kept pursuing things after that first date more out of a desire to do something with someone rather than an actual romantic interest in her. I think she is a nice person and could be a good friend but even that seems somewhat tainted now.

I played rugby for two seasons at my university. I never played for the first side but really gained an appreciation for the game. So this year I decided to become the team's manager as I am inelligable to play due to the fact that I am only taking one credit and you need to be taking three to play. Much of what I'm doing is what I did last year as a member of the club's executive. I handle sponsors, organize events and make sure that the team has the information that they need for each of these. I put a lot of work into these things and there are a couple of people who recognize this which is nice but there are a couple of guys on the team I would dearly love to kick the shit out of. They give me no respect, looking down their nose at me simply because they are first team players and I'm not. It's unfortunate but I have done more for this team then they ever will but they don't seem to notice and this bothers me. I guess it's my vanity and own insecurities that I feel the need to be universally appreciated. Of course their open derision is also hard to take. I almost hate the fact that they are going to benefit from my efforts. Now I'm trying to organize a Wales tour for the team to happen in 2007 and it will be these bastards that go not I because they have mommy and daddy paying their way and I have to bust my ass working up to six days a week to make ends meet and still pay for school. So they'll go and have the time of their lives while I'll have to sit and listen to all the stories once they get back. I feel like torching their cars.

I'm back to thinking about going over to Korea for a year of two once I'm done school three years from now. I've lived from pay cheque to pay cheque for so long that I've actually gotten used to the stress involved in having no money. I'll also have no money for the next three years as every extra dollar I have will have to go towards paying my student loans while saving up enough to pay for teacher's college. I had a friend go over a couple of years ago and was able to bank $20,000 over one year. I have three friends over there right now who simply love it. One doesn't want to come back. The simple notion that in two years I could be completely and utterly debt free AND have saved upwards of $10, 000 is too good to pass up I think. Besides the notion that one can get paid to travel and experience foreign cultures is simply awesome. In the beginning of my second year of university I began to plan on spending my third year abroad at a school in Wales. It would have been through a program at the school which would have meant that I would be able to spend a year in Wales for the same price as going to school here for a year. Obviously I didn't go. Two months before the application deadline my then wife whom I was seperated from asked to try and work things out so I felt that I owed it to her and our marriage to try. Six weeks after the deadline passed she told me that things weren't working out. I found out later that she hadn't stopped seeing the guy she left me for in the first place. Looking back I can't help but think that while I may have done the right thing I missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime because of her. This is something I'm not too sure I want to do again. I work with a guy who is thinking of going overseas for a year or three and it's all complicated by the fact that he has a girlfriend. Relationships just seem to fuck things up way too much.