I look into a mirror dimly

New Years eve is here and as usual it holds no significance for me. I've never been a big New Years person, most often I'm in bed before the clock ticks over and a new year begins. Its just another day really and as such I've rarely given it any significance beyond that. However since I started this blog a little over three years ago I've taken to putting down some reflections on the year past and even a few thoughts on the year to come.

In terms of where I'm at in life little has changed. I still work for a place I hate the reasons for which are threefold. First its a paycheck. Second I get to work nights exclusively which allows me to attend classes in the evening. Third, there are still some opportunities for helping people, although those are getting more and more scarce. I am still in school but I'm a few months away from being finished. I have two months worth of classes and six weeks of practicum to finish off and then I'm done. I'll be a qualified teacher. Having started this in 2001 its nice to have the end in sight.

I finished another teaching placement back in Novemeber. I was placed in a grade four class where I taught geometry and phys ed. Both were actually quite fun and illuminating. I've since gone back and I now volunteer there on Friday afternoons. I find that even that little bit helps to keep me a little bit saner. If I had nothing other than my job on which to judge reality I would surely end up mad.

All in all it was a rather boring an uneventful 2007.

2008 and though has the potential to be quite different.

The first major thing to happen in 2008 is that I will gain another niece, as my younger sister and her husband are expecting their first child. They have chosen the name Violet Analise. I'm told that that took quite a bit of wrangling and negotiation.

The second major thing to happen in 2008 will by me graduating teacher's college. I've been working towards this for so long that it seems a bit unreal that it is so close to finally being over.

The third thing will (hopefully) be my moving off to Korea. I had been thinking a lot about moving to England to teach for a couple years but I don't qualify for a visa so plans have shifted towards Korea. I know a number of people that are either there or have gone and they all rave about the experience. I want to mix things up life wise and I want to travel a bit and this seems like a really good fit. It would also allow me to quit my job far sooner than I had originally anticipated and would allow me to get rid of all my student debt relatively quickly. As things stand now I'm planning on an early July departure. If this does come aobut, if I don't completely chicken out, this will be a huge move for me and a truly unique experience and challenge. I hope that I'm up to it.

Well that's it. Pretty short really, but with no real changes or events in one's life recounting it is a rather short endeavor.

Good luck to everyone in 2008. May you stay safe, have fun and know love.

***

Now for the rather personal stuff, but something that I feel I need to express even if its merely to the ether.

I've come to the realization recently that I no longer trust God in the small things. I don't doubt his existence nor do I doubt his word but I have come to find that I no longer trust God to act in the minutae of everyday life. Why?

I have, as the apostle Paul has put it, a thorn in the flesh. I'm not going to share with anyone what that particular thorn is, at least not here, but it is something that I have suffered with for as long as I can remember. Its been an ever present and while I may have experienced moments of reprieve I've never triumphed over this 'thorn'. Often I use it as an excuse for attitudes that I hold or reasons for inaction, but in reality they all come from me not the thorn.

I, like Paul, have fought with it, asked God to remove it but have continued to suffer through it. It taints virtually every aspect of my life and while I think (hope) that I am able to wear the appropriate masks that hide this thorn from those around me, I am still forced to deal with it.

It hit me recently that I have given up on asking for God to act in my life. I've come to doubt that he will. Not only as it pertains the thorn but in all things. This hurts.

I was recently talking with a friend concerning Fred Phelps and whether or not he is a Christian and I spoke of James 2:14-26 which says:

14What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?

15Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food.

16If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?

17In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

18But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.

19You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.

20You foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless?

21Was not our ancestor Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar?

22You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did.

23And the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness," and he was called God's friend.

24You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone.

25In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction?

26As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.

This got me to thinking about myself in relation to this passage and looking at how my actions reflect my faith. If I were to use a fire as a metaphore where a blazing bonfire might reprsent a person such as Mother Theresa, in terms of how I act my faith would be reprsented by smouldering embers.

I believe in God and hold to him in an intelectual way but in a material way I doubt that anyone would be able to discern that I am a Christian or that I have faith in God. This is a great departure from how Christ was and what Christ talked about. The problem I find myself in now is what do I do?

Hopefully 2008 will see a change in this aspect of my life for the better.

I'm so un-Canadian

I had decided quite a while ago that when I have kids I won't put them in hockey. I won't encourage them to play nor will I probably watch the games with them. This is just so very un-Canadian where many towns have a hockey rink and nothing else, but the growing violence not only in the professional game but in the minors as well has shown me that hockey is not something I want my children involved in.

There are many examples that one can site from the pro game. The McSorely two-handed slash to Donald Brashir's head



and Todd Bertuzzi's attack of Steven Moore



come most readily to mind, but the fact is that the game promotes fighting and needless violence as part of its product. As such kids are emulating their professional role models at younger and younger ages. Not to mention the adults who were failed hockey stars themselves that end up in fights at the rink in support of their child.

I used to go and watch my cousin's son play hockey. I watched him from about the age of 5 to 8 and I was appalled by the actions of both the players and the parents. I would watch as 7 year old kids were being yelled at by their parents to hit kids from behind. I'd watch as parents would have excessive arguments in the stands. I'd watch as parent would verbally harrass referrees after the game or as parent verbally harrassed a coach if they felt their son wasn't getting the ice time that the parent deserved.

Hockey should be fun for the kids and I'm sure it is for many but the minority that ruin the game for everyone is growing. I played hockey from the time I was 4 till the time I was 18. I enjoyed playing but I can remember being threatened with being beat up after the game for having hit a particular player or having numerous sticks broken over my body by other players. I can remember watching Hockey Night in Canada with my Grandmother each Saturday night. But these are not things I'm going to share with my children if given the chance.

Why?

Well another example has cropped up to cement in me my decision to keep my kids from hockey. A game involving 8 year olds ended in a bench clearing brawl after the two coaches got into a fight.

"Police say criminal charges could be laid following a weekend bench-clearing hockey brawl between two teams of eight-year-old players."

The game has become nothing but a breeding ground for mindless violence, all of which is glorified every Saturday night on the CBC. We are told that this is Canada's game, well I guess I'm just un-Canadian.

Because it's right

Thanks to a friend I was able to watch the documentary The Devil Came on Horseback about the genocide that has been and continues to occur in the Darfur region of the Sudan. I have posted about this before and feel compelled to do so again.

The thing that I don't understand is how people, and I count myself as part of this group, can look in the mirror and claim to be a good person and yet do nothing to end the suffering of people anywhere. Thirteen years ago the world sat back and watched as a genocide occured in Rwanda and did nothing but offer platitudes and appologies for the fact that we did nothing to end the attrocities that were occuring. After the killing was finished we stood upon our soapbox and decried the violence and told the world that this would not happen again, not on our watch. Well guess what we are a bunch of liars.

For nearly four years the systematic murder, rape and destruction of the black African tribes of the Darfur region of the Sudan has been occuring at the hands of the Janjaweed. We see the pictures, we hear the stories and we shed a tear or offer up a moment of prayer and then worry about not having an iPod or where we are going on Friday night. If these people were white would we care more? Would we do something then? Is our lack of caring, our lack of a response a racist response?

Sure it is easy to throw up our hands and ask 'what can I do? I'm nobody. I have no power.' and then change the discussion towards what happened on the latest episode of Survivor. But that is a real question, an important question. What can we do? The current state of the world dictates that action of this nature has to come from a nation, a nation responsible to its people. This necesitates that we as a people stand up and tell our governments to stand up and end the genocide.

I can understand to some extent why people have been hesitant to enter the fray in Darfur. Its really a no win situation from a public relations stand point. When the US and other countries sent in troops to end the violence in Ethiopia they were vilified for either their actions or their inaction. They were vilified as colonial powers enforcing their will on the African people. So when Rwanda was going up in flames, the powers sat back and were vilified for doing nothing and allowing the genocide to occur. Then they went into Kosovo in a limited manner and were vilified for either not doing enough or doing things the wrong way. If the west (Canada, America, Britain, France, Germany, etc.) were to send troops into Darfur, what would happen? What would China's response be? What would Russia's response be? Should we even be concerned with such things considering the attrocities that are being committed?

I guess I'm not too suprised by the level of inaction concerning Darfur. One only needs to walk down the streets of any western city to see the level of apathy we have for people. The richest countries in the world allow their own people to starve and go homeless. We are a society of me, me, me, me, me. A society of me, myself and I. There is no room for you or you or you. If I had to care about strangers that might force me to change, that might force me to sacrifice, that might force me to put someone else's concerns ahead of my own. I recently read the book Old Turtle and the Broken Truth to a grade four class and talked about things such as empathy, compassion, and understanding. We talked about how even though we may have different coloured skin or have different ways of doing things but that doesn't change the fact that we are all people and as such we need to care for one another. We talked about the golden rule. If 9 year old children can understand such things why can't we as adults?

It's complicated. The Sudanese government doesn't want us there. It's half a world away. I know all of these things but sometimes we need to stand up and do what is right, simply because it is right and bear the consequences as best we can. So I call upon you to educate yourself concerning Darfur. I call upon you to contact your political representative and tell them to do what is right for the people of Darfur and for humanity. I call upon you to make your will known with your pocketbook and boycott the Beijing olympics and to put pressure on those who wish to make money on the genocide in Darfur (namely the tv companies that will be broadcasting the olympics) to end their relationship with the Beijing olympics until Beijing uses its finanical clout to pressure the Sudanese government to end the genocide. I call on you to help spread the word an to educate those around you concerning this issue and to how they too can help to make a difference.

I call on you, and me, to do what is right simply because it is the right thing to do.